1916 Letters |

Letter from Roger Casement to Father Edward Murnane, 16 July 1916

University College Dublin Archives

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<date>16 July 1916.</date>
<salute>My dear Father Murnane,</salute>
<p>I got your letter of
<lb/> 8<hi rend="superscript">th</hi> July; <hi rend="superscript">it</hi> came to me just after your visit.
<lb/>For both I thank you warmly - the visit and
<lb/> the letter - I know not how to thank you indeed
<lb/> for your affection and thought for me - and for
<lb/> your prayers for me. I have not been so
<lb/> happy of late in my mind, or in my spirit,
<lb/> as I was - doubts and perplexities assail
<lb/> me and leave me troubled - troubled always
<lb/> at myself and my own imperfect understanding.
<lb/>There are times when I feel my doubts are settled
<lb/> and then they revive, and I cannot say what
<lb/> motive actuates me - It is very hard to be sure
<lb/> of one's convictions - to be certain always one is
<lb/> convinced - I thought I was - and today and yesterday
<lb/> I am not sure - and questions come to me, from
<lb/> myself that I find no answer to. The trouble
<lb/> is - <del>what</del> <hi rend="underline">am</hi> I convinced? Or do I only <hi rend="underline">think</hi> I am
<lb/> Am I moved by love - or fear? I can only
<lb/> accept, in my soul, from love - never from
<lb/> fear - and part of the appeal <hi rend="underline">seems</hi> at times, to
<lb/> be to my fear - the more I read the more confused
<lb/> I get - and it is not reading <gap/>, but
<lb/> companionship - I am sure you understand.
<p>And then I don't want to jump - or rush - or
<lb/> do anything hastily - first because time is short.
<lb/>It must be my deliberate act - unwavering
<lb/> and confirmed by all my intelligence. And,
<lb/> alas! today it is not so. It is still, I find, only
<lb/> my heart that prompts, from love, from affection
<lb/> for others, from association or ideas and ideals
<lb/> and not just my full intellect - For if it were

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Letter from Roger Casement to Father Edward Murnane, 16 July 1916

University College Dublin Archives

Notes: